Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful can be heartbreaking and feel like the ultimate form of betrayal. Some marriages do not survive after an extramarital affair while other couples choose to work hard to repair the foundation of their marriage after one person has cheated. If you have recently found out that your spouse has been unfaithful, but you want to try to rebuild your marriage, use the following tips:
Don't Hide Your Feelings
An affair is not something that can easily be swept under the rug and forgotten about. For many people, infidelity shatters the trust between spouses, and it is very difficult to sustain a healthy relationship without trust. After finding out that your spouse has been cheating, don't feel like you need to hide your feelings or emotions. Doing so can lead to deep feelings of anger and resentment, which can make it much harder to repair a marriage.
Counseling is very important if you are serious about fixing a relationship and rebuilding trust after an affair. Before you begin regular sessions, you and your spouse should spend time meeting with a few couples counselors until you find one that you are both very comfortable with. In order for counseling to be effective, it is essential that both parties trust the counselor and are able to speak openly about personal and private feelings and events.
In addition to attending sessions together as a couple, it may also be beneficial for you and your spouse to also attend individual sessions with your counselor. It may take numerous sessions, but a good couple's counselor (such as one from Park Center Inc) can help you both understand why the affair happened, discover underlying and unresolved problems in your relationship, and promote healthy communication between the two of you.
Make a Conscious Decision to Move Forward
It can take a long time for the feelings of anger and betrayal to go away after you mind out that your spouse has had an affair. But if you are both committed to strengthening your marriage and staying together after infidelity, it is important for you to be willing to move forward and focus on the future. This does not mean that you condone your spouse's affair or think that it was right, and you may never completely forget about it. But as the two of you go through the healing process in your marriage together, the affair should not be used as ammunition in every argument or brought up in anger months or years later, as this will prevent the two of you from rebuilding your relationship and strengthening your marriage.